My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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