now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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