one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
