Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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