I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
