Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i've created a new STD.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
