Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
