he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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