Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
