After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
