He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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