How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My ass is underappreciated
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
