You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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