Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
