I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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