:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
