like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize