so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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