My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
