he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
