the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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