Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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