why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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