i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
nutella sex= disaster
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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