i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
