yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
