More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
