About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
