its not stalking. its research.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize