just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
