Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
