No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
