BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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