Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
