I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
