I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
