So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk is not a location!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
