I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
