I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
