can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
