She is in my trunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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