It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
