as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i drank out of a bidet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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