her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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