this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
