He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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