i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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