Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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