when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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