Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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