omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
