I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
