you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
