That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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