what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
