I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
