I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
