no, he came in my armpit
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
