Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
