...so i touched it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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