I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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