Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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