Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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