I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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