The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
