He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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