Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
