Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
