He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at about main and main street
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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