Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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