you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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