I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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