dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
