I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
