just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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