Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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