I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
