its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
